While thumbing through archives, I noted a reply that I posted a year ago on an Expat forum. Several discussions focused on the problems one encounters when living in third world countries, and one person asked, “With all of the problems, why would anyone want to stay?”
December 24, 2011 – Coactur Bus was almost empty!
Play-it-safe conservatives often don’t understand the psyche of the wanderlust. They second guess their loved ones, who react with self doubt or guilt. It’s not everyone’s destiny to stay put; many of our ancestors had the wanderlust spirit and left loved ones behind. Entire continents were settled by people who had moved on. Some say that it’s easier to move on than to be left behind; people mean well, though they sometimes pull us apart when they question our choices.
I have met many people who rejoiced in moving to a destination that felt right for them, but their loved ones implanted that twinge of guilt. “How can we make them understand?” is a question I am often asked.
“Why would anyone want to stay?” After pondering the question, I scribbled my reply while traveling by bus and later presented it to the forum. Gary Phillips – Pro Ecuador Blog shared it with his readers as well. (Thanks again, Gary!) Hopefully what follows might help others to understand!
Enjoy! Z
“Why Would Anyone Want To Stay?”
When someone presented this question on the forum, my first thought was to refer to Thoreau’s popular quote, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” There are times when people ask about my choices about where I live, and I smile and reply, “…and not, when it came my time to die, find I had not lived.”
Dear Sister Kate wasn’t sure about asking the policeman for a photo op!
The people who know me can never say that I am not living! A person can stay in the same place for a lifetime where the parameters and boundaries give an
emotional cushion/comfort. The security of a nice support system/network and
structured life is fairly rewarding yet, for me it is so – - – predictable!
I never cared for the materialism that affects so many in our world, and with
relief I am glad that I was in Ecuador and not trying to navigate the streets
‘back home’ on Black Friday!
I have experienced all of the Central American countries, and because of that
travel history, my circle of unique friends continues to grow in all directions!
I cannot imagine not having these people as my friends, and we would never have met had I stayed home!
/Belgium, Canada, Costa Rica, Ecuador, USA – A melting pot of friendship!
All countries have their strong points as well as weak ones. I was first nudged
to Ecuador while living in Costa Rica; most everything that I was buying for my
CR home was made in Ecuador.
The many colors of Otavalo Ecuador
Hammocks from Ecuador. Masks from Ecuador. Pottery from Ecuador. I wanted to visit the country that was producing so many incredible products that were for sale in Costa Rica! Ecuador has rarely disappointed me.
“Oops!” Barb happily divides her time between Oregon, Costa Rica and Panama.
I suspect that most of the extranjeros who are happy in Ecuador would be happy anywhere on the planet. We carry our happiness with us. Life can come from behind and kick our feet out from under us, but we’re going to get up and keep marching forward. When we face our greatest challenges is when we grow most as people. Moving to new areas forces us to keep growing emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
“Why I Don’t Drive At Night”
There are dangers anywhere. As to why we don’t talk about it is sort of like
when you smile instead of frown when someone asks, ‘Hi, how are you?’
We might be having a bad day, but we smile and answer, “Fine, thanks!” Surely
every town in the world has its own dark moments of history, though positive
people focus on the good things. When one can share a disturbing story that
teaches a lesson and helps us all grow, then yes, it should be told.
Playa San Miguel Costa Rica from the Air – Copyright Lisa Brunetti
I’ve lived part time in a quiet area of Costa Rica since the year 2000, and over the years, theft became a serious concern. People could no longer leave their houses unattended for fear of thieves stripping their homes of valuables. It saddened me when my sweet little community shrugged off the growing problem with an attitude of apathy.
So far that’s not happened in the area where I live in Ecuador. It’s pretty sweet and serene, though I believe all of the stories and am aware that things can change in an instant. In time, petty crime might taint my life here in Manabi, but so far I’ve been blessed. We should all stay on the offensive to keep from defending our personal safety or our property or our honor, no matter which country we call home!
Watch television or the view? The television distracts from dining pleasure!
When I am in the states, I am amazed at how many people use television as a drug to disconnect from the day. They turn on the television and stop interacting with one another. I’m not talking about ball games or ‘intelligent’ programs. It’s the ‘Junk TV’ that bothers me. Many restaurants in Latin America have televisions as well; boo, boo, BOO!
In Belize and Costa Rica, I have experienced almost-daily reactions to the MSG
used in mom & pop restaurants. (Most chicken bouillon cubes, instant soups,
sauces, seasonings have MSG)… Many hot sauces contain MSG as well.
My life in Ecuador is pretty toxic free unless I walk through the door of a fast-food restaurant! (Postscript: I regret to report that MSG now taints a lot of the food here, especially from bright-yellow chicken bouillon cubes and seasoning/breading mixes.)
One last look at Chimborazo! Photo by Marie Groff – (Thanks, Marie!)
Why would I want to stay? For me, it’s the natural evolution of my life, which
constantly nudges me in new directions. I want to live – not exist! I want to meet new people and experience new cultures and discover foods and healing plants and alternative lifestyles. I love a climate where temperatures never go below freezing! I cherish the option of drinking mineral-rich water straight from a just-cut coconut — when worldwide there’s a sobering fear of what comes out of the taps.
How do you spell juice? Orange juice, Blackberry (Mora) juice, Passionfruit (Maracuya) juice, Tomate de Arbol juice, Grapefruit juice! Quinoa is $1.50 a package or less! Gasoline is $1.50 a gallon for regular! Restaurant prices are creeping higher, to my dismay. Has the increase in tourism triggered that hike?
I like to walk outside at night and see a Carl-Sagan sky or walk through the
jungle/bosque and watch monkeys or suddenly stop in my tracks and identify the source of a subtle fragrance! How many of you have ever experienced the aroma of Palo Santo? Ahhhh, it’s unique and soothes the soul!
Colorful, Healthy and Delicious
Ten years ago my back ached, my hands hurt and my blood pressure was creeping higher. Cutting out toxins like MSG and aspartame plus having access to the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables is probably 80% responsible for no more aches or pains and a blood pressure of 110/70 and a pulse in the 50′s.
When I paint custom floor designs, I can now crawl around on a floor for hours and hours, and I rarely ache! I feel much younger than I did a dozen years ago. I am 56 but feel 30!
Yes, I miss the people that I love that are still bound to a life that owns them
in the ‘states. (Skype helps bridge that distance.) Given a choice, I want a life that I own, not one that owns me! The quality of my life is much greater here on a daily basis. There’s even a year-round supply of Lima beans for this southern girl!
I can easily tap into nostalgic memories of shelling Lima beans!
I hope that this epistle helps explain the mystery of the wanderlust!
Why would anyone want to stay? Why NOT?
Z
“I want a life that I own, not one that owns me!” – real freedom. Power to your wanderlust
Thank you, amiga! I enjoyed this morning’s “Driftwood” post!
Hey everyone! I will most likely be offline for the next few days. Of course I will be back with more stories!
Have a great weekend!
Z
There seems to be a complete divide between the people who might ask the question, and those of us who never would. I’d say, if one felt like that, why indeed stay?
There are a lot of people who think they will be happy and find that they’re really not cut out for a pioneer-type of life. It’s sad when one half of a couple loves it and the other does not, but sometimes they find a balance that works.
It’s always good to try the lifestyle on a trial basis, though six months is probably not long enough to find out if the joy evaporates. John and Mary are my favorite examples; they moved here almost a year ago and thrive on the experience. http://johnandmarylivingitupinecuador.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/the-boca-from-the-beach/
Yes, I’m sure you’re right about that. My only experience of unhappy or dissatisfied expats has been among those posted here, and some in Bangkok I met a few decades ago. I’m not going to get into a discussion about all the dissatisfactions I’ve heard from these people except to say i’ve always wondered why they stay!
When I’m around people who grumble about many things, I wonder the same thing. If one isn’t happy, one should move on until finding what works. But then there’s the saying, “A fool will find fault even in paradise.”
Like that one! Seems there are also people who go ‘abroad’ to further their careers, or accumulation of wealth, and don’t really want to be there except for these ends.
yes, there are some who will forever think, as the song goes, happiness is just over the next green hill.
thanks so much for your comment!
z
This is a beautiful post and it absolutely reminds me of my childhood…..I don’t have wanderlust… I am content in my own little world… where I feel safe. I am a bit envious of all your experiences and I admire you for following your heart.
thank you! i often say that life here reminds me of my life growing up! as you stated on your post, it’s quiet at night, and there’s no light pollution at night! i feel very safe as well, which might be hard for others to believe until they’ve visited!
thanks for your comment, kindred farm gal!
z
* for those who are curious: here’s the link to the ruth’s post:
http://retiredruth.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/when-i-was-a-child/
Love this post Lisa! You are so right, there are pros and cons anywhere you go. People are pretty much the same deep down wherever you go also. Growing up a military brat, I got to experience different places and cultures early on in life. I would not trade that experience for anything. I think everyone ought to have it sometime during their lives. I have chosen now, to settle in one place, but I do find myself longing for change a lot. I compensate by moving furniture around, redecorating, and taking “getaways” periodically. Sometimes I think it would be fun to run away for a while and leave all responsibility behind – but I will never do it
a balance is always great. i’ve had that life that owned me; therefore i can now enjoy a relaxed one! i often smile at my young friends who are working so very hard, and i sigh and say, ‘been there done that!’ you too can smile and say, ‘been there done that!’ what a great example of approaching this attitude from opposite directions! i also admire and respect your choices! z
I would love to be able to carve out some time to go live in another country. If not for permanent at least for a year or do.. Loved this post!!
Thank you, amiga! You would adapt well and would be one of those wearing a big smile! z
Ahh..the natural evolution of life..and how wonderful it is, at least most days.
And the twinge of guilt? I’m still trying to deal with that one. The only way my mother can justify our living in Nicaragua is to tell people that we are missionaries. No matter how many times I tell her, “Mom, you have to stop telling all your church friends that we are missionaries. We’re not even religious.” She responds, “Well look at all the good things you do for those poor people.” I just have to shake my head and laugh. I really look forward to your posts. You, my amiga, understand and express what I am feeling exactly. Again, a marvelous post!
Thanks for a great comment! Missionaries! Your mother reached down and found a clever way to bridge her friends on one side and your life on the other! Maybe she could also say that you’re walking/roving diplomats!
Thanks for a great comment!
Z
Meeting new people, making friendship, experiencing different cultures, tasting fresh veggies and fruits, exploring nature, and enjoying the freedom and smiles… what a beautiful way to live. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, Z!
You are always so sweet and kind, Amy! Thank YOU for being a positive person as well! Z
I thoroughly enjoyed this post since I have always admired your independency! You seem truly happy and that is what counts. I too feel a bit of jealousy once in awhile reading your posts, and I too was brought back to childhood memories of shelling lima/butter beans! Oh, how convincing Minnie was when she lured us into the den to piles and piles of butterbeans on newspaper on the den floor and offered us a coca cola to shell the beans. “yes ma’am, Miss Minnie”…Now, THOSE were the truly good times!
And, the comment about living instead of existing…so true, so true. Luv ya my lifelong friend..keep on keeping on!
oh yes, when i see ‘butter beans,’ i am instantly transported back to those long comforting summer days when we raced to see who could finish first or who found the loveliest speckled butter bean! we were lucky to have so many adults who looked ‘over’ us – minnie and ralph were special ones for sure!
thanks; of course i love and miss you as well!
z
What a beautiful thought…”we carry our happiness with us”. My husband and I never felt so alive as when we lived in the interior of Mexico for a year and when we traveled to Costa Rica. No matter what we told family and many of our friends, they thought us crazy and envisioned us being chased by the drug cartels on a regular basis (lol). That could not have been further from the truth. We found beautiful people with a strong love for family and a deeply rooted faith born from living a ‘real’ life, uncluttered by what so many wealthy countries have come to use to entertain themselves. Here’s to the wanderlust! May it forever thrive within us.
Thanks for the great post Z.
hey amigos
thank you so much for your comment, which i found in the spam folder! you are right about people having preconceived ideas about the dangers of Latin America.. I can chuckle and add taht many people still view my home state as ‘Mississippi Burning.”
i’m glad that you were clever enough to dodge those cartels!!!
z
We are considering a visit to Ecuador perhaps late next year. If we decide to go, do you mind if I pick your brain a little?
By the looks of it and the sound of it – You are Home! Blissful happiness
thanks, amiga! as with all places, it will slowly change, but for now i’m enjoying the relaxed attitude of that area! z
I don’t usually have time to read all the post…but this was great!!! I may need to borrow it so I can use it to explain to family and friends. See you soon amiga.
thank you so much! i am glad you enjoyed the post!
i look forward to seeing you and jana very soon!
z
What a beautifully written post Lisa
I’d like to frame it and hang it on the wall.
When I read Thoreau’s quote
“…and not, when it came my time to die, find I had not lived.”
it gave me goosebumps!
I’m feeling so restless and long for views out the window and
“a life that I own, not one that owns me!”
but I have to accept that we’re at an age where most folks are thinking of retiring not starting again…
I’ve been to Costa Rica and Belize but never to Ecuador. I’m so sad to hear what’s happening to CR – in 1994 when we went there it was “pura vida” and people could leave their front doors unlocked.
I don’t know the aroma of Palo Santo?
I love Mark Knopfler’s music
Sorry to hear they’re adding MSG to the food. I don’t often eat out because of the colorings preservatives and other rubbish added to the food in the US.
love
rosie
ah, rosie! thanks for your amazing comment! i’m glad that your enjoyed this post!
how does one describe an aroma? palo santo’s unique fragrance is a comforting one. ‘holy stick,’ it is often used to cleanse a room, even without burning, it releases an amazing aroma.
i hope that one day you will be able to experience these places and aroma in person!
thanks again!
lisa/z
A life that you own, not one that owns you…such a novel idea! Thanks for sharing your thoughts as usual, it adds more perspective to mine.
i think that one has to have both — first the life that owns ‘you’ before scratching and clawing to have one that you own! there’s a balance, and i am so happy to now be reaping the benefits of being at peace with where i am in life. the road was a difficult and challenging one, but those times when we falter are the ones that make us stronger!
z
It’s always nice going through your blog. My friend.
the same to you, my friend! thanks for stopping by! i’ve missed you! z
Exactly. I was just explaining this to my mom and said the same thing. Why not? All who wander are not lost. Adore this post, I which I am sure is no surprise.
“All who wander are not lost.” It’s so great when someone truly understands! Thanks! Z
Your posts are my “virtual wanderlust” and always so beautifully written and photographed. Muchas gracias, Amiga.
thanks, doc, for this sweet comment! for sure this life is a total opposite of the climate you’re experiencing now! happy holidays, and stay warm!
No one who sees your photos and reads your blog could doubt why you live where you do! You are obviously a very happy, centered person.
thank you, hugh! most days i am truly truly happy, and i am very thankful for that ‘gift.’ i think one has to know others who are troubled in order to appreciate the smile in one’s heart. i realize that i am very lucky, and of course am grateful for that gift.
i might not be so happy if i were immersed in the holiday feeding/shopping frenzy!!!!
z
I remember that same saying from Thoreau in “The Dead Poets’ Society” and what Robin Williams then say about “Carpe Diem.” That’s it : that’s why we find the will to leave and the love to stay somewhere else where we’ve found our lives were more in harmony with who we are. that’s all! Anyone who doesn’t understand hasn’t live their wake-up call and realized that (maybe they don’t need to realize it because they’re living as they should : a friend of mine, although pround of my trips and decisions to live abroad, once told me that she envied me to travel so much but had found so much peace herself in the life she led she didn’t need to go away anymore.
There’s nothing more to it.
Great post to make everyone understand!!! Hope you won’t hear the question anymore!
Cheers to all travels and to living life to its fullest!
Jul’
what a wonderful comment! i especially liked, ‘That’s it : that’s why we find the will to leave and the love to stay somewhere else where we’ve found our lives were more in harmony with who we are. that’s all! Anyone who doesn’t understand hasn’t live their wake-up call and realized that (maybe they don’t need to realize it because they’re living as they should’
thank you so much!
z
Well, for the first time I find myself disagreeing with you at some points. Not everyone who lives in the US is “owned” by the US. Not all of us who live here are devoted to Black Fridays and the worst of our culture. I feel very strongly that I own my own life, and I have no need to be somewhere else to claim it. Not all who wander are lost, indeed – but not all who choose to stay home after wandering are stick-in-the-muds!
The other side of the coin, of course, are the expatriates who live abroad as though they are in the US! During my time of working and living in West Africa, there were compounds galore where people with contempt for the culture surrounding them and a passion to duplicate American life on foreign soil could gather at cocktail parties and trade gossip about comings and goings.
The question, I suppose, is how we are going to relate to the culture in which we find ourselves? How do we discover our own “necessity”, and shape a life to nurture and shape it? Your way is immersion into a new place, making it your own. My way is a rejection of much that surrounds me, in order to make my life my own.
There are two ways of traveling, after all. We can travel far and we can travel deep. Blessed are we when we find exactly the right balance for ourselves!
hey amiga!
thank you so much for your comment!
i realized after i hit the road that i failed to address some of the points that you mentioned, and there are many people who have an equally-satisfying life – and a much-more stable one than mine! you, of course, are a perfect example of the yang end (or i i the yang?!)
i am still traveling w/very little online time, and should be back home again tonight!
thanks so much for speaking for so many who are happy in the traditional life,while understanding how others like me follow internal nudgings to move on.
z
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This is a wonderful post! Thank you so much. I have also found it hard to explain to some others why we are doing this. You said it better than I could
What a great post, I think the world is made up of 2 types, those of us that love to wander and the others that love to stay in one place. Both types find it hard to ever swap places. But where would the world be without the great explorers and the adventurers that just wanted to see what is around the corner. Then again the stay at homes play a great steadying influence. I really think there would be less wars and hostilities if people travelled and met and experienced other cultures, it certainly broadens the mind.
I love this post. The pictures, the story. I think you have your act together. Well done and best regards, BTG
thank you so much! that means a lot! i am visiting with new transplants to the area, and we have discussed this in depth over the past two days. we all agree that some people have found an equally-enriching balance in ‘that other life’ – though for us, we have found it elsewhere.
i’m three or four days behind on reading any other posts, and look forward to catching up tonight or in the morning!
thanks again,
lisa
Said and done.Beautifully. I have always been something in between. I wander in the world, but I also want a place to always come back to. To call “home”.
When i was younger and my children were only new to the world, I had a friend who left for Africa, Ethiopia, with her three not very old children.They had done that before, they are missionaries and language teachers. i remember myself being very worried about their children and all the diseases they could get down there. I couldn’t imagine even the thought of putting my own children into such dangers.
Well, I still understand my own thinking, because hormones are hormones and they are there for your own protection. I had been traveling throughout the world for many years myself, before the children arrived, but my friends’ decision was impossible to fathom.
Today I can think of her reply to my worries, that the children would learn so many good things for their future, for example being humble and knowing how to live with only the absolute necessities.
My children have travelled along with us all around the world and they have learned a bit of this anyway. Sometimes they, like me, didn’t want to come back to Sweden again…but so far we always have. My daughter worked with nature preserving in NZ last winter, and I hope my son will do so too. I encourage them to work abroad and follow their hearts more than I could do.
When I retire I will consider moving for at least some months a year abroad. But then, there’s my mother and father…and I’m an only child. I cannot let my mother down her last years. She has worked and strived for me – I must pay her back and make her golden years happy. That’s just the way I am.
I envy you, but maybe there are exceptions, maybe my life and my circumstances are a bit different from yours? What you do, many people would like to do – and so would I. But, it’s just not possible. I’m happy to follow your adventures!
Good to read this post. Glad that you are enjoying your life in Ecuador. I lived my childhood and early adult life in Fiji, then spent most of my married life all over the world. It was a great adventure, some of the times better than others. Family and friends worried about our safety and living conditions. Finally, we came home to roost in NZ where everything was delightfully orderly and easy UNTIL,one fine September morn, we all got rocketed out of our beds by a 7.1 earthquake. The place of utmost safety and refuge, my very own doorstep, so to speak, turned in to the most dangerous place I have ever lived. The irony still makes me laugh. So keep on loving life. It doesn’t matter where you live as long as it makes you happy.
what a great story! when the 7.3 earthquake hit columbia, my house shook like crazy. i was certain that a fault at nearby bahia de caraquez had belched again! thank you for reminding me to expect the unexpected!
thanks, also, for your great comment!
z
This is a fabulous post! A great joie de vivre you have! I am like you. A true wanderlust. A lot bothers me about life in the States but I’m happy where I’m at right now and glad I can escape quite a bit. I agree 100 percent that a life is to be lived and I detest tv. I have no time or interest in it. I miss the connection I feel in other countries where people are out and about and not always in cars. But for now I’m here and I’m happy!
you seem to have ‘the perfect life’ with a beautiful family, a balance between work and home, and a passport filled with an amazing travel history! i’m so proud to know you!
z
Oh you are sweet! Life is complicated as you know. I have a problem as I am type A and tend to get overly stressed. But I do the most to make the best of it and enjoy everything! I am glad to have found you too! Someday I’ll make it to Ecudor and when I do, I’d love to meet you!
igualmente! z
Two peas in a pod then!
A great post, Lisa, with a wonderful sentiment. It’s with life as with art, we need to step out of the comfort zone. I totally agree with the saying that I don’t want to die without having lived. So true. And I agree with everything you say, except that about temperatures going below freezing. I love winter and all the fun that goes along with it. But hey, we are all different, and that’s the beauty of life, too, isn’t it?
my fingers turn blue in weather above freezing! below-freezing temps trigger my jaw/teeth into unstoppable chattering while my skeleton shivers. a reflexologist recently hypothesized about it being related to my bone marrow, though i did not follow and wish now i had asked more questions!
there was someone in my life once who loved climbing the highest mountains, and I realized that i could pretend/convince myself that i liked that for a while, but it would grow old fast!
i admire anyone who weathers the cold without severe reactions like mine!
as always, i treasure your posts, feedback, talent and your kindness to others.
I read this with great interest. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
muchas gracias! thank YOU for your comment! z
This was well said, Lisa. Ron and I have had to defend our choices of where we choose to live more than once and that is right here in the USA. Most people don’t like change and then there are some of us who are suffocated without the experience of change. Carving out a meaningful life requires commitment and balance.You have found that. If not now, when?
so true, amiga.. thoreau had it right when he said, ‘and not when it came my time to die, find i had not lived…’
usually i don’t mind it when others don’t understand, but there are times when i’m frustrated that people can be so short sighted and not realize that we’re all on our own personal journeys!
z
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Lovely post l enjoyed it.Thank you for the visit.Wishing you a happy and blessed new year.jalaal
thank you! may 2013 be kind to you as well! z
Love your thought here Lisa. I address my wanderlust with travels and was in Costa Rica several years ago–a beautiful place. Haven’t done Ecuador tho. Have resolved not to revisit any place until I’ve completed my bucket list
And also love the floor painting!!
Thank you so much! I’m glad you’ve sampled a bit of my life through the posts, and I totally understand wanting to move forward and see more of this amazing planet. I look forward to watching your travels through your posts!
Lisa/z
You articulate what I’ve often tried to to some that don’t understand, wanderlust. It runs deep, and that’s not a bad thing!..
i think some of us are naturally more in tune with those internal nudgings.. like the sea turtles returning to their beach of origin a dozen years later, or the migratory birds that – just go…when we don’t follow those nudgings we feel very much out of sync… or at least i do!..
thanks!.
currently living in panama and having spent 3 weeks in ecuador a year ago, i love your photos and your story. i miss the markets of ecuador! may i link to your post in my own life-as-an-expat blog? (linked above in my name) thanks!
of course, emma! thank you so much, and thanks for sharing this with your readers!
lisa/z