Tags
painting birds in watercolor, poza honda ecuador, self doubt, smooth-billed anis ecuador, southern house wren ecuador, watercolor art of ecuador birds
Smooth-billed Ani in Calabash Tree – Poza Honda/Manabi/Ecuador
“… If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you – and make allowance for their doubting too…” from the poem If by Rudyard Kipling (for the complete poem go HERE)
Self doubt can sabotage one’s concentration. How well I remember standing at the free-throw line and hoping that I would not miss the final shot for a Jr.-high basketball game. Aware of my teammates, of the coach, of offensive/defensive choices if the ball missed the basket, of the next team waiting for the buzzer and warm ups; I also considered the home-town fans and strangers in the packed gym. Would my team win, would we lose, or would we go into overtime? The possibilities provided many distractions for an inexperienced young-teen! * That moment taught me an important life lesson: block out the conflicting variables and focus on the goal.
The same self doubt inflicts the creative process. When I painted the watercolor study of Smooth-billed Anis, I used an ultra-smooth Bristol Board which is very unforgiving. Once applied, the dark pigments required for the Anis could not be lifted without staining(ruining?) the paper.
Smooth-billed Anis – Watercolor in progress (Black and white image)
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” Elbert Hubbard
Quite social and affectionate with each other, Anis stay in family clusters. Sometimes while foraging they are scattered but remain in sight of one another; they also huddle – and even cuddle – during periods of rest. The Smooth-billed and the Groove-billed Anis prepared a little slide show introduction:
Painting just one bird would not illustrate the true behavior of the flock.
The painting advanced one bird at a time, and with each bird – self doubt peered over my shoulder and whispered, “Are you sure you want to add another bird? What if you make a mistake? The painting might be ruined.”
The painting was a request, and an unexpected cousin to early-teen self doubt entered the game. I was not only considering the evolution of the painting, I was also thinking about the person who anticipated the finished product. I was painting for that person, not an uninhibited expression of art for myself. Any struggles would be revealed in the freshness (or lack of) of the watercolor. My camera chip malfunctioned during this time, so there are no images to show the progress until bird number four.
Smooth-billed Anis – Watercolor in progress
Tick, tock, tick, tock – Self doubt shadowed each about-to-be painted bird.
“Are you approaching dangerous waters? You lose all with one mistake…”
Much like bouncing the basketball to focus before a shot, with each new Ani I blocked out conflicting distractions until the painting was finished. Signing the work always signals, “Whew. Completed with a happy heart.”
“Work to please yourself and you develop and strengthen the artistic conscience. Cling to that and it shall be your mentor in times of doubt; you need no other.” from The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard
Self doubt sneaks in when I least expect it; lurking in the shadows it whispers, “Are you sure?”
Please come closer, little Southern House Wren, so that I may study you!
This happened three times with the Southern House Wren watercolor! Remember that painting? Its debut last month showed Stage One:
The initial wash went so well that I considered stopping there. That’s not really self doubt; that’s being pleased with the freshness of a painting! It would have been OK, but I did not stop. The next session demanded a late-night session when few sounds punctuated the stillness of the night. Selective music works at times, but even quiet piano (like below) distracts when I’m working on meticulous details.
Referring to a folder of wren reference photos, I lifted the ‘too strong’ sienna colors and fine-tuned the color variants. Working tiny amounts of white acrylic into the previously-applied pigments transformed the dull-hued feathers of the upper back. The final task demanded precise attention (and the pause button for piano) while I painted those delicate feather details. I worked until 5 a.m. – then slept until ‘way’ past noon!
(What do you think? Would you stop… or continue painting?)
Happy with the painting, I critiqued it for several days. I now knew every little detail about that chirpy little bird that flits near the house and lingers at the Palo Santo tree. When I looked at the painting, that bare branch looked too stark. I pondered adding more.
“No. Absolutely not!” said that voice of self doubt. “Don’t risk ruining what you’ve painted!”
The branch, washed with a few strokes of color, needed strength. I wanted to capture the essence of this highly-active little bird, which meant bringing the entire scene to life and making it believable.
Southern House Wren – Poza Honda Ecuador
Outside I examined the Palo Santo tree, photographed it and clipped a few small branches to take inside. Armed with ample reference material, I mixed the colors to bring the branch to life. The dark pigment, instead of floating across the surface of the paper, soaked straight into the paper like quicksand! Lifting it would make it muddy, so I veered toward a darker/heavier limb.
Several times I pondered the many hours invested in the secondary actor in this script – was this lone branch worth the time? Would I be like the inexperienced ball player who steals the ball, careens down the court for an out-of-control layup – and hurls the ball to the ceiling?
Too late to turn back, I worked and fine tuned washes of color until the limb and the bird achieved a balance.
“Yes!” I assured myself, “Now you’re finished!”
(What do you think? Finished?)
But no; after a few days of neutral critiques, I felt that one more painting session remained.
My higher self ignored that worrisome little voice. A much-stronger and more-positive voice – one of confidence in myself – nudged me forward. Perhaps my guardian angel or a higher power played a role in that nudge kick. Maybe the devil planted a snitty little trap while predicting, “Ha! Her soul will be mine soon! She’s going to ruin the painting and curse the heavens!”
I looked at the painting and felt that a few tiny details were important.
Perhaps from boredom or realizing that nagging was useless, my self doubt remained silent. I returned to the Palo Santo tree and retrieved a few specific leaves. After taking a short break, I added the final touches to the painting.
Indulging a moment of ego, my higher self smirked at the voice of Self Doubt and boasted, “See? Now run along and quit nagging me!”
(If this were a basketball game, I think that both free throws were winning ones! )
With that, it was time for a walk!
*(I don’t remember if we won or lost, but I do remember why I preferred Track and Field more than basketball! Track was about doing one’s personal best, and not about the pressure of missing a final-second shot!)
Zeebra Designs & Destinations 
lol that’s quite the process. I enjoyed that! And I think the end product is fabulous Lisa!
Thank you Pat! Now I’m wondering if it needs a little insect hiding somewhere in the design?
I know how self doubt creeps up on you Lisa, but I adore ALL your finished works but could almost feel you holding your breath on your fifth bird.. The Southern house Wren is absolutely beautiful each feather a delight.. like a snap shop rather than a painting..
And yes we should please ourselves when painting, I know, but we are also made how we are made and can not change wanting to please others more..
Love and Blessings your way, SO pleased this popped up in my reader just as I was about to close WP for the evening, and I have caught up enough for today..
I have been chilling, reading, and trying oils.. though not happy with them in this particular painting and may even paint over the whole thing… LOL… We shall see, its been sitting in stages for over a week.. I am leaving it alone for a while.. Wanting to convey something you see in your head onto canvas doesn’t always interpret well 🙂
Hugs ❤
What a lovely comment, Sue, and thanks for sharing so much. I hope that your struggles with the oils are worth the effort. |It’s fine to paint it over and resume, that lovely Akaine illustrates that in her amazing videos! Sometimes it’s the process that finally gets us to the end, and not actually getting there in the quickest way. it’s the journey, right|?!
I’ve not looked at WP new-post notifications to see if you have anything new; I rad those off line at home.
Until next week, thanks again!
Yes I agree it’s all about the journey 😁
In Costa Rica I had a little Ani friend…she woke me up every morning pecking at our screen door to the bedroom…she literally came every morning…I would say Good Morning Ani and she would do this little dance…and then fly away…so so cute. I love Ani’s.
What a lovely memory! I\d bet that you had hummingbirds that let you know when the feeders were dry?!!!
also I love this picture…I know how dedicated you are to your processes…and always love the outcomes. 🙂
Thank you Gwen! The wren was especially fun to paint!
What a talented artist you are, Lisa! No reason for any self-doubt!
Thank you to my dear friend and long-time WP wild-life partner!
❤
Your work (and your posts) are positively delightful!
Thank you again, Professor Curtler! I
“The same self doubt inflicts the creative process.”
I’ve been hearing that nasty little voice quite a bit for a month. It is keeping me from finishing a project for a customer… in frustration I have even cleaned and organized my whole studio. Studio looks nice, but the customer’s order remains unfinished. Thank you dear friend for the pep talk. It is most timely!
I always enjoy your beautiful work. I am curious as to how you change a branch from deep black to a much lighter brown and tan using watercolors. AND, the piano was lovely. Some familiar, but most not. It lifts the heart; I need find more of this.
Some pigments lift easily.. just pull a clean brush soaked with water across the dried pigment… then clean it before doing it again. and again. and again until you’ve ‘erased’ what’s needed. you won’t get back to white paper, but most will lift. If you have a good paper (like 300 pound arches) you can put the entire painting in a bathtub and submerge it, then scrub a precise area. It’s spooky to do it, but if the painting seems ruined, why worry?
I hope that your own challenge /blocks are cleared, and you’re happily finishing the project!
I never knew you could do that! As for me, well, sometimes I have to do a deep cleaning and organizing first. That is what I’ve been doing this week. When I am done I will know what I have and where I am going! I’ve already found several good pairings to get going on! 😉
I love them all, so just relax and enjoy. 🙂 I know I enjoyed, but then I always do.
janet
Thank you Janet! I’ll never run out of subject matter w/over 140 species right in the back-yard area!
Thanks goodness! 🙂
The Anis are stunning. You mastered that nasty old cage of self-doubt. It won’t be your last wrestling match with it. But you, being the strong character you are, will always break free of the cage.
well said
Thank you, Gwen!
My dear friend! Thank you so much for that kind comment!
Reblogged this on Jude's Threshold.
The patience and dedication with which you tackle each project produces amazing results, Lisa 🙂 🙂
With age comes even more patience – and confidence! The biggest ingredient, I suppose, is experience! Thank you!
The anis are indeed lovely. I am SO privileged to be the recipient of that painting. I feel badly that you had to stress over it though.
Love you
Julie! I love that name! Thank you!
It wasn’t a stress, as it was for you, but there is always that consideration — think if I asked you to back a black-bottom pie for me? I suspect you’d peruse all recipes and worry if it were the one most ‘nostalgic’ for me! Hope all’s fine there.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” -Elbert Hubbard
… or continually regretting that you made one.
Am trying to catch up and making a bit of progress. Thank you for your amazing support – even when I am silent. You understand, however, that silence means I’m off line and merging with nature!
Very strong rains these past few days; makes me wistful to see a radar image of the country…
The first thought that came to mind as I was reading your marvelous post – “If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent van Gogh I love how you took action – and by doing so, you quieted the voice of doubt. Brilliant…
It’s always great – even when feeling very strong about a work – to have positive reinforcement from peers! Thank you dear friend!
Oh my! This post is magnificent. I have a lot to think about, as I constantly ponder, “ Have I done enough?” And if I haven’t done enough, is that OK? I have a tendency to get obsessed with perfection in some aspects of my life and it drives me crazy because I feel like there is no ending. Your analogies to this question were perfect!
Have you been inspired/found time to return to painting? Even if the reply is ‘no’ you’re being creative to the 10th power!
I smiled at this: “I was not only considering the evolution of the painting, I was also thinking about the person who anticipated the finished product. I was painting for that person, not an uninhibited expression of art for myself.” Every now and then I come across a blogger who asks, almost plaintively, “What do you, my readers, want to find here? What do you want me to write about?”
The one time I responded to such a question, I said, “Write about what interests you.” And of course the response was, “But what if nobody else is interested?” All I could think was, “There aren’t any guarantees.”
The toughening up that has to happen for any creative process to be sustained has to be learned, as surely as the technique for lightening a watercolor branch has to be learned. It may be the harder task, but it’s as much benefit to the artist as the final painting is a pleasure for the recipient.
Forgive me for taking so long to acknowledge your wise words/feedback. I am now working on illustrations for a friends small book of ‘fables’ – and again there’s a bit of heaviness because of that expectation as she waits for me to present the second draft of drawings.
I remember the first time I gave a talk to a garden club. I thought, ‘These people are here because they think I have something of interest to tell them. I’d best not disappoint them!’ I miss those days – garden club women are ‘the best’ for moral support!
I kept thinking, “Yes, you are finished!” but that’s the difference in an artist and an art admirer — the finished piece is stunning and definitely the best! Will you sell prints of it? If so, I’d love to order one!
Dear Julia! Forgive me for taking so long to reply. Thank you for your positive feedback, and yes, I’m trying to figure out a way to proof images of the originals to get the colors right – then find a way to have them printed — yet thoose would need to be proofed as well to get the colors precise.. it’s sometimes difficult to do here what is easy in the usa!
Thank you for your support!
Lisa, of course I enjoy the skillful way you put this important message across, but I really liked finding out about how anis behave, their sociability. Interesting! I love that photo of the pair of them. I can imagine the worries about adding each ani to the painting, and how well the end result would be received. It’s a good thing that you have a few years’ wisdom to check those worries when you notice them in that lovely brain of yours. 😉 Self-knowledge serves you well! I like the wren in the initial wash version too, but it needed the feather detail to make it “wrenny” you know? 🙂 Beautiful work!! (And music!)
After spending so much time watching the birds in Poza Honda, I now look at the Anis here in the cloud forest with a bit of a squint. The Smooth-bills here look much much larger – and for sure they are more elusive. (i realized the latter from the birds’ behavior at Poza Honda.
I’ve always enjoyed studying the birds/wildlife just by walking/looking, but when one draws or paints them, those details are glued in place in the psyche!
I love your birds!
You’re the best! Thank you!